… if only because he never advanced!

I found this fun dig at Little Mac in McSweeney’s:

CIVIL WAR GENERAL GEORGE B. MCCLELLAN ADDRESSES HIS TROOP OF TEN-YEAR-OLDS IN A GAME OF CAPTURE THE FLAG WHILE WAITING FOR HIS RETINUE OF HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGES.

Excerpt:

“My decisions have not always been popular, I know. But, children, I had specific reasons for ordering you not to chase those three Red players the last time they invaded. Did any of you want a repeat of the first time you tried that? The chaos? Sure, we caught two of their slower ones, but at what risk! Our defenses could have broken, my carriages had not yet arrived, and our proud Blue flag could be in enemy hands as we speak.”